Now now now, it's the season to be jolly and it's time for the festive season really to get into the full swing of things.
The church has got to sell the product which is Jesus and to be honest Ronald McDonald isn't in the same league as the church’s main man. The police are collecting their revenue for their Christmas party's (a lot of confiscated drugs to get through). The shops want you to spend all your hard earned labour on knock off gear imported from China. The Government are telling you that terrorists are going to run through the shopping centres with AK 47's spraying every infidel they can see in their aim. The stock market is going up and down like a yo-yo (honest, it is real). X factor will be number 1 on Christmas day and David Icke says that there are men in the moon sipping on Starbucks while ringing up the Rothschild's telling them to buy the motorways. If there is ever a time to sit back and laugh at everything and to just relieve the stress of life, then I think it's time to do just that. No fighting, no arguing, no anger just a cocktail of happiness BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT ALL WE CAN DO IS JUST LAUGH, OTHERWISE WE WOULD ALL BE INSANE BY NOW. A few experiences I've had have made me realise this and I’m going to share them because it just shows how upside down things have got.
1. I pulled into the Marlow leisure centre car park with my friend and the very smart enforcement officer (lovely costume) was writing a fine out for some poor bugger who had a TICKET. So me and my friend went up to him and asked him politely why was he fining someone if they had a ticket and his reply was 'The ticket is upside down and if I don't fine him my manager will give me a disciplinary'. Scratching my head for a while and wondering how pathetic he sounded I generally felt sorry for him because he was ruled by fear and that's such a powerful tool.
2. A close friend of mine is a traffic warden oops I mean PCSO and his job is very rewarding and very dangerous, the things these guys go through makes me feel proud we have these men protecting us. He came home one evening and told us how he had to hide in the trees on the motorway and spot anyone not wearing a seat belt or on their mobile phone so they could radio the big boys to grab them and probably get more money for their pension scheme. On the evening shift they are not allowed out on their own, so he just plays Call of Duty Modern Warfare all night not bad for £1750 a month.
3. I got stopped by the security guys on a public footpath outside Wycombe university and they told me I wasn't allowed to advertise my business because it was 'PRIVATE' so I asked for the terms and conditions and if it was private how come thousands of people walk through it every day? I wouldn’t want that many people walking through my home. His response was it was 'PUBLIC AND PRIVATE' so I burst out laughing and he walked off with his head between his ankles.
4. I also attended a talk and the main speaker was the CEO of slough council and she basically let everyone know that all the cuts they will be getting won't be a problem because they will increase fines on the poor buggers of Slough, ain’t she sweet? And they won't get rid of the lawyers and solicitors because they are there to protect your beautiful little children.
5. This is my personal favourite and it goes into the hall of fame of lunacy that once I heard this I just knew we were all bonkers. I was speaking to a Conservative councillor about democracy and he was telling me that basically you get a vote so what are you moaning about, well he went on to tell me that the FRENCH wrote a report on how to save electricity in the household and 2 pages later it was done. Well our government had to follow suit and a committee (all nicely paid out of your sweet equity) took 12 months and 188 pages to come up with the same conclusion the French Government did. Nice to know that we do the job properly, good old Blighty.
These are just a few examples of how mad things have become but all of it doesn't matter anymore and the more you make it an issue and the more you challenge the system the more stressed and frustrated you become, sometimes it's just better to just sit back and just let everyone else worry about what life has to offer because the world is just one big ball of Prozac.
I've always thought that a big laugh is a really loud noise from the soul saying, "Ain't that the truth.
Lets just ignore it for a period of time and put our energies into putting smiles on the faces of the people who really matter in our lives, forgive or make-up with anyone you have fallen out with because we are all in it together and when the time comes we are all going to need each other.
Have a lovely Yuletide Everyone.
BE HAPPY AND DON'T BUY THAT DRY ASS TURKEY.